Hey, its me. It's been awhile since I've been on here. I was putting Ava to bed tonight, just a few minutes ago, actually. We were laying there in the dark, and she asked to play with my hair. And by "play with my hair", I mean she uses my hair as a slide and all of her stuffed animals take turns going down the slide. It felt nice to have some quiet moments at the end of a busy day; I always love to hear Ava's quiet chatter as she plays with her animal friends. Her speech is emerging more and more every day and I love hearing what is on her mind. We have made a routine of talking about our day and what we are looking forward to tomorrow. I was looking up at the hair bows hanging on Ava's wall when a giant wave of grief washed over me. just out of nowhere. The wave hit me and I almost literally felt like I had been slammed to the ocean floor. I felt the wave first, and then the thought came to my head second: my mom is not here to see any of this