Mothership Confessional

Well, he went and did it - little Liam, little 8 pound, 5 ounce Liam , turned one year old!! We had a little party for him this weekend to celebrate. And I made one of those chalkboard posters for him, and it really made me stop and think about these last 365+ days with him. Liam was born 5 days early. My due date was February 27. He could have been a leap year baby!! How crazy would that have been?! He was heavy and I carried him low. I had lots  of pelvic pain with him. I remember during the last few weeks that I disliked squatting to get things out of the bottom of the fridge because it felt like he was going to fall out!! My sweet little boy entered this world via c-section, and it was pretty amazing. I was unconscious for Ava's delivery, so this was my second child, but really the first birth I actually got to experience. And it was love at first sight, for sure! My sweet little surprise. Liam is quite the little man! I can't get over just how m...

I feel like I blinked and Liam aged another month! 11 months!!  Oh my gosh...he's nearly a year old!! I knew these months would go by so quickly! It seems like once 6 months hit, babies just start gaining more and more independence - they learn to sit, self-feed, scoot, crawl, entertain themselves, get into mischief... It all happens so fast. Too fast!!! I was just looking at my kids today - staring hard at them, actually - trying to captures these fleeting moments in my mind. It's like they are slipping through my fingers! I hear the words so many people tell me: "They won't stay little for long! It goes by so fast!" ...and I do  hear them, it's just...it's just so hard to not want the hard phases to end and to take for granted their sweet tiny bodies and cuddly, needy personalities. It's a double-edged sword - I'd love to have a little less demand from them, but then when I get some space, I realize they don't need me as much as the...

Holy cow, baby boy! Another month gone!! Liam is crawling. Standing. Shifting weight on his legs. Things have changed a lot this month! Bath night has gotten complicated again. Liam is so squirmy in his bath sling so I've been working on a safer solution for him. We have a textured bathtub so unfortunately a bath mat doesn't stick to it, so I had to brainstorm a bit to keep Liam stable while sister sloshes in the tub next to him! When I get them out of the tub, they scatter! It's a race to get them dried off and diapered before they start peeing everywhere! Ok, it's not as dramatic as it sounds but I always feel so rushed to get their tushies covered! Ava has been experimenting with Liam a bit. I have caught her pushing him over when he's sitting. And it's not because she's upset with him, I think she is literally just exploring cause and effect. And then as soon as he falls over and cries, of course I come over to comfort him and pick him up, and ...

How can this be??? 8 months seems so "old"! My tiny baby boy is growing fast! I would like to start this post by saying DEPLOYMENTS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK The distraction of learning to juggle life without Chris here has kind of worn off now that it's the new normal, and it has completely worn me down. Kind of like the feeling you get after the adrenaline has worn off - I'm pooped. My to-do list just gets longer and longer since it takes me so long to get things accomplished. Now I just feel lonely. It doesn't matter how many things I pack into my day, how many places we go, or how many people we see. It doesn't change the fact that he is gone. The house is really quiet at night. It's no fun to watch tv night after night after night after night without him. Eating all of my meals alone (or with messy children alone). We are approaching the holiday season and I'm already sad he's not going to be here for any of it. It makes me the most sad that he...

It's been one month since Chris has been gone. I've been thinking about this post for awhile, but I'm finding that it's really hard to put this last month into words. It is nonstop crazy, as you would assume with 2 kids still in diapers. It is pretty much nonstop selflessness. There are moments of calm and control, which are so, so great. I'm learning to appreciate those moments more and more! Most days I can stay positive. And some days the frustration rises and something as simple as trying to buckle the carseat but Liam wont let go of the straps makes me have to step back, breathe, and count to 10 to keep my cool. Sometimes it's when the 4th piece of food falls from chubby little fingers and splatters on the floor. Sometimes it's when Ava shrieks at the top of her lungs for the 15th time in a row. Sometimes it's when we are all packed up and ready to load up in the car and I realize someone needs a diaper change. Or a snack. Or a toy...

It's becoming a frequent discussion now that I have a 1.5 year old: what do you feed your toddler ? Toddlers come in all shapes and sizes, with different abilities and preferences. On top of that, those abilities and preferences can change weekly. Or hourly. That is the joy of raising a tiny human!! My daughter was exclusively breastfed until 6 months, with no solids introduced during this time, per her pediatrician's recommendation. I knew I wanted to do Baby Led Weaning, which her pediatrician had actually never heard of and wanted me to do purees instead. But I chose to follow my own plan and continue with Baby Led Weaning; I had done a ton  of research and had seen other babies thrive on it. So at 6 months, in addition to breastfeeding, I started Ava on table food, and she took to it better than I could have hoped! After she got better at not gagging and had tried a variety of foods, we began offering her whatever we were eating for dinner. Fast-forward a year,...

I can't believe it. I just can't!! Ava is 10 months old! And she's acting like such  a big girl! We thought it would take forever of her to crawl and pull up and sidestep. And then one week, it was like an explosion of milestones! She can do it all now, and she's so fast! She doesn't like her jumper as much, mainly because she can't get around! I have to stick her in there for dinner prep some nights before Chris gets home.  She's not happy in there for very long anymore! Her favorite thing is to walk around the house with help. She seeks out our hands and grabs them and starts smiling and squealing, pulls to standing, demanding for us to help her walk! She can now pull to stand, and then stand for a bit without holding onto anything. She's getting so brave! Last week she surprised me and crawled up a few steps! It gave me a heart attack because I didn't think she could do it! She has really become an adventurous little girl...

This last month with Ava has been...different! I have felt like she has already hit the 9 month mark a long time ago - she has seemed so grown up to me lately! She eats so  much table food it's ridiculous! Just this morning she ate an egg - scrambled, a piece of french toast, almost a whole banana, and a sprinkling of blueberries. And she might have even had some yogurt; I can't remember now. I mean, how can she only be in the 19th percentile for weight when that's what she eats?! And not to be gross, but now that I'm a mom I talk about this stuff all the time...her poop has almost no visible pieces of food in it anymore so I know her body is doing a better job of breaking it down and absorbing it! She still refuses to crawl. She can get to hands and knees from sitting and she'll reach out for things, but then she flops to the floor no matter how much bribing we do. She gets around on her belly by turning in circles or rolling around.  She is much b...

I'm a little late posting this. 8 months sure came quickly! Ava's personality is really coming out! She's been able to communicate her likes and dislikes a lot more recently. She has thrown a few "fits" when she's not happy with something! She's a little bit dramatic! She is working on crawling, so she's been a bit more on the fussy side over the last few weeks. She hangs out on all fours and rocks back and forth and can bring her knees forward, and then she bellyflops forward! She's still working on what to do with her arms. She can move backwards and log roll around the floor and get around the living room a bit. She's trying to figure out how to go from sitting to on her belly. Usually she just leans really far forward, face plants, and then smiles and frees her arms and legs! She is down to 2 naps a day, both (usually) an hour and a half apiece, but sometimes less. After she was waking 4 times a night and I realized going i...