Mothership Confessional

My first postpartum experience was awful . But I didn't know it at the time. I couldn't see how extremely difficult things were in the midst of it all, but looking back after a second postpartum experience, I really wish I would have reached out for help. I had: -lots of pain, took Percocet for a week+ and then Ibuprofen for almost a month -nightly periods of sadness, like clockwork from 7-9 pm, every night  for about 2 weeks -lots of blood clots, one HUGE one that scared the crap out of me (I literally thought, this is it, I can't have children anymore; we went to the ER, I was fine) -breastfeeding pains, and a cracked nipple that made me dread  every single feeding for about 4 weeks (its seriously no fun to dread feedings, you're supposed to enjoy those!) -sadness and anxiety (I assumed this was how it was to be a first-time mom. Everytime she cried I immediately got anxious and nervous, even if her crying was easily and predictably fixed by a feeding...

I am so excited to be doing monthly baby updates again!!! And I can't believe it's already been a whole month with our Liam! Apparently Liam had big goals for his first few weeks of life. He outgrew size newborn diapers at one week old...because he kept peeing out of them! He loves to be held on our chests and is pretty good at holding his head up already! He loves to look around! At 2 weeks, 6 days old, Liam rolled from tummy to back multiple times! He's an overachiever! We had his 2-week appointment when he was 3 weeks old. He weighed in at 9 pounds, 10 ounces, meaning that he gained almost 2 pounds in 2 weeks !!! The doctor was pretty impressed! Just last night he found his thumb to suck and he's trying to socially smile! I'm already packing up newborn clothes! It's happening too fast! On one hand, I don't want him to change so quickly. Butttt, even though I'm not as hormonal this time and I feel like I can relax and...

I am surviving the first few days at home by myself with my babies! A part of me was apprehensive about this new change, but I think that's because I was imagining the worst: both kids crying at the same time and me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. But it's not been that way at all! The first day I was a bit overwhelmed and so  happy when Chris came home. I think all the activity just plain wore me out! I use a step stool to help Ava get in and out of her crib. I change her and dress her on the floor and I just suck it up and lift her into her chair at our bar-height table. Probably the most frustrating part is when Ava wants to run away from me and I have to chase her down - she is definitely faster than me right now! I am healing so well; I stopped taking all pain pills by about 1 week after surgery. Pretty impressive! It feels so good to be able to sleep on my side...although full breasts kind of get in the way, haha! About 35 pounds have just fall...