Skip to main content

Infertility is an Emotion

This post sprung up from my last weekly update.

I realized my post had taken a turn and really needed to be it's own post.

It's not as happy-go-lucky as my weekly posts are.

It's about infertility.

*****
(Ava will be here in 6 short weeks. And these are some thoughts I've been having lately.)

All these "just you wait" statements are about to end.

Yes, we've done our fair share of waiting, thank you very much.

Babies cry a lot. We will want more sleep. They make a mess. Blah, blah, blah.

Yes, parenthood is not always rainbows and butterflies...I already knew that. I don't need a lecture.

We are just ready for our lives to feel more complete.

To feel like we have more of a purpose.

To have more joy.

To grow our family.

Don't squash that with your attempts at horror stories. People who have tried to conceive for a long time have a different perspective and don't want to hear your crap.

There. There's my dose of "pregnancy hormones". 

Except it's all the truth and not erupting from some emotional moment.

I think a lot about our journey to pregnancy, and how much this pregnancy means to me. And how many countless others go through much more than I have to achieve pregnancy. And sadly, some never get there. Women (and men) literally spend years dreaming of a child of their own, loving a child that doesn't exist yet. It can be so complicated. Don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around these people who struggle with fertility, but have some sensitivity. We think about things very differently. 

No "oops" babies for us. No "now what do we do" moments.

For us, everything is always mapped out. We dream for months and years what having a child will be like.

We are envious of all other women who get pregnant. Happy, but also resentful and probably deep down, angry. I know it got ridiculous for me for awhile. I'd see announcements on Facebook, and I would literally go from a joyous smile of excitement for that person, to suddenly a cold anger that often sent me crying my way to bed. All in a matter of seconds. And it was never anything against that person, it was always an anger at my situation.

You can't scare us with your stories of how your baby has "inconvenienced" your life.

We want that inconvenience.

Go ahead, tell us that you never go out anymore.

We'd gladly sacrifice our social lives if it meant we could have a child.

Maybe we do have some hopes for our day to day lives that you, as a parent, know are not realistic after having a baby.

I'm sorry, did you know what to expect before you became a parent?

And everyone parents differently, so maybe I will have a different experience than you.

I hate that line "you're not a mother, so you wouldn't know".

That kind of lights my fire.

I get the point, I haven't walked in your shoes, so you're right. I don't know.

Now try walking in my shoes.

See how much you like it.

Yes, this post seems bitter and angry.

Because I was for so long.

This pregnancy has brought me so much joy, that it has almost melted away all of those feelings from infertility.

Almost.

And I don't want to forget the journey we took to get here. It's too important. Too many people live it.

Infertility isn't cured by getting pregnant. There is also secondary infertility, in which couples struggle to get pregnant with a second (or third, or fourth, etc) child. 

It's still painful.

It's a pain unlike any other. Jealousy, anger, frustration, sadness, confusion, exhaustion, fear...all rolled into one emotion. Infertility is an emotion.

Definitely don't say "Just relax. It will happen." 
Ok, now why didn't I think of that?!

And don't even bother saying "Well, at least all the trying you get to do is fun!"
After cycles and cycles of failed attempt, it's not. It's not the "honeymoon" you'd like to imagine.

Just listen. Be a friend.

But don't go all sad and sappy on us, either, If we can have a backbone, we expect you to have one, too! 

I still hurt for friends who can't get pregnant. With whichever pregnancy they are on. And there's no real way to comfort that person. Just pray.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

23 Weeks

Hey, I'm actually posting this on time this week!  Maybe it's because I've been awake since 5 this morning.  For no good reason.  (But I did wake up thinking about a big, juicy cheeseburger. And a cup of coffee.) And what a looooong week it's been! We got a sleet storm of about 4 inches of accumulation followed by another inch or two of snow on Sunday night. The sleet froze into ice, basically paralyzingly the area.  I don't think the streets had been pretreated, although I saw trucks putting down liquid de-icer about a week before the sleet came through.  And because this area is not accustomed or prepared for such weather, everything shut down.  All of post was shut down- not even Burger King was open.  And even the mall closed. It takes a lot for the whole mall to close.  And I don't know what else because I didn't leave the house until last night.  I heard...

A Pregnant Woman's Guide to Maternity Clothes

Being pregnant with my first child, I had zero experience maternity clothes shopping. I had no idea what sizes I would need nor what products would work for me. Given that every body type is so different, and each pregnancy is so different, this post will simply serve as a guide and just a place to start. Ultimately, you will have to make some decisions yourself on what will work best for you. I just thought I'd share what I have learned in this first pregnancy. When Should I Start Buying Maternity Clothes? To me, this question has a simple and easy answer. NOW. (or, as soon as you find out you are pregnant.) Here's why: CLEARANCE . Take advantage of that clearance rack! If you buy as soon as you find out you are pregnant, the clothes on clearance are going to be the right season for when you are in your third trimester. I did a little shopping in the first trimester (early winter) and I got great summer tanks and maxi dresses for a ...

"Let's Play!" Series: What is Play, and Why it's SO Important

Welcome to my Let's Play! series!! My first "official" post is going to be kind of a summary on my feelings on why telling your child "Let's Play!" is so important! So what is "play" and why is it so important, anyway? Playtime for kids is a HOT topic lately. There are some big stories floating around about it - have you seen the one about schools that are doubling/tripling recess times and seeing improvements in students' work because of it? Playtime for our kids is complete freedom.  Open-ended activites where they can make their own choices and interact with their peers under their own choosing. Playtime is where children's minds can rehearse favorite activites, explore new possibilites, and foster friendships and find commonalities with peers. It's a lot of self-discovery and learning about their environment! It's where they explore "what happens if..." and learn the positive and negative consequences of th...