Another Miracle in the Making

**This post was written a few weeks ago, and I am just now publishing it.**

I don't even know how to start this post so I'm just going to start putting my thoughts down.

I find it so ironic that my post from earlier today included a part about wondering how I'm going to store all of Ava's baby things.

I found out just a few hours ago that I will only have to keep them in storage for 9 months!!!!!!

...yes, I found out today that I am pregnant...AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh. Obviously I am writing this up just a few hours after seeing that positive test, so things are just sinking in.

It is just so wild! God sure does work in mysterious ways!

So let's rewind to how I got to this joyous moment!

Chris and I decided when Ava was around 8 months old that we would forgo the birth control and let nature take its course. We want to have kids close-ish in age, and once again, we felt confident in going the "no birth control" route since my body sucks at ovulating. I was still not 100% ready for another baby, but we figured there was no point to prevent pregnancy in case it took us a long time to conceive again. As things became easier with Ava with each passing month, I realized I was coming around to the idea of being pregnant again. 

TMI ALERT (haha)

Fast-forward to May, and we are still moving along sans birth control, when AUNT FLO shows up for the first time since before my pregnancy with Ava...and man it was AWFUL. I'm talking going to the bathroom to "freshen up" every 45 minutes for the first 2 days. I slept on bath towels to eliminate the risk of ruining the mattress. Yeah, it was that bad!! I dreaded when my next period would come because I didn't want to deal with that again.

The conversation of a visit to the doctor came up a few times. Since we know we are moving, we thought it might be a good idea to talk to my doctor about getting Clomid again so that we could at least have the medication on hand when we were ready to try, especially if I would be "between doctors" for a little while until we get settled in Georgia. I knew I could not take Clomid while breastfeeding, so Ava had to be fully weaned before I could take any fertility medication. So we were kind of waiting around for Ava's birthday so I could begin weaning her.

Chris and I had talked about how fun it would be to surprise everyone at Ava's first birthday party with the news that she would be a big sister. Her party came and went and I never had the slightest feeling that I needed to take a pregnancy test. It wasn't even on my mind at all. I was still anxiously awaiting my next period and I was hoping that it wouldn't arrive during our trip to Kansas!

Once we got home, I began weaning Ava, and Chris and I started a high-protein, low-carb, no sugar diet along with an exercise plan. We were ready to get fit and eat better, and for me, there was no better time to do it than when I was planning to wean Ava. I was mentally ready to focus on ME and getting my body back on track without having to worry about if/how it would affect my supply.

So we began the diet, and Chris was loving it because you eat all the time and eat tons of protein and veggies. Me, on the other hand...I seemed to be struggling to eat the chicken and veggies even when I was starving. I've never been a big protein person; I like the side dishes more. I'd be happy with a 4 ounce steak at a steakhouse! Anyway, at dinner last night Chris had a heaping bowl of broccoli and cauliflower and just looking at it made me want to gag! I had made some oven roasted broccoli earlier in the week that I just couldn't bring myself to eat as leftovers. I thought, man, this diet sucks! Why do I have to fight my gag reflex when I'm starving?! I thought it must be just my body adjusting to weaning Ava and this no sugar/low-carb diet.

Today at lunch I was starving..and once again had to force myself to eat my chicken and veggies. I threw half of it away. I took a trip to the commissary and it occurred to me...I should probably take a pregnancy test! My period was awhile ago, and who knows when it will come back since those first few postpartum periods are whacky anyway. I had a hot flash in the store, and I remember picking up the box on the shelf and smiling because I think I realized there was a chance I could be pregnant.

But then again, how in the heck could I be?! My ovulating has always been a mess! What would the odds be that I could get pregnant without any kind of help after 4 years of trying to get pregnant with Ava?!

I came home and unloaded groceries and got Ava all set up with lunch. I peed on the stick and then went back into the kitchen to put groceries away. I honestly forgot the test was waiting for me in the bathroom. I went back in after a few minutes, and the only thought that was in my mind was an ever-so-casual thought, "I honestly think I will be disappointed if it's negative!"

Just like a leaf in the wind, not even a deep or preconceived thought. Just in that moment, I realized how much I wanted to be pregnant again.

To my surprise, it said PREGNANT +3. 

(The cheapest box of digital tests was the one that "predicts" how many weeks along you are.)

I immediately gasped and kept on saying "oh my gosh" over and over and carried the stick around the house until I found my phone. I called Chris at work and asked what him what he was doing to make sure he wasn't distracted or super busy. He said something or other - I'm sure he could hear how big my smile was on the other end - and I blurted it out:

"I just took a pregnancy test, and it says POSITIVE! It says POSITIVE!!!"

I was laughing! I was crying! I was sweating!

Chris was laughing with me and said "Really?! That's so awesome!"

And we just kind of gasped and breathed and laughed and I cried some more and wiped my brow and we tried to gather our thoughts. I told him I was sorry for ruining his focus for the rest of the day! And of course, since this happened on a Friday afternoon, I had no time to make it in to the doctor for a pregnancy test. It will have to wait until Monday. It's not quite as scary this time around because: 

1. Chris is home this time and I didn't have to keep it a secret for 4 weeks (that was such torture) and 

2. I know exactly how this will work this time and there will be no stressing out about knowing what to do: I have to do a walk-in pregnancy test at the clinic, it gets sent up to OB, they call me a few days later to set up my orientation appointment, at the orientation appointment I will then be assigned to a doctor. At that appointment I will get an ultrasound and then we will officially know how far along I am. It takes 3 visits to get a due date, ugh!!

My pregnancy app that I've already re-downloaded tells me that I'm already 8 weeks along. I'm kind of doubting that, but I guess it's possible if I ovulated like a normal person. But since I'm not normal (haha) and slight nausea seems to have just kicked in, I'm thinking it's more like 4 or 5. We won't know for sure until that first ultrasound!

I am already wondering what this first trimester will feel like. Will it be the same as with Ava? I had a lot of breast tenderness before I tested with Ava, and I haven't felt that at all this time, but I am finishing up nursing so that could be why. I have had a lot of uterine rumblings feelings tenderness I can't even put it into words - just that sense that something was happening, which I assumed was my period threatening to show up any day.

And I was just thinking to myself earlier today: "what am I going to blog about now since there are no more weekly pregnancy updates or monthly Ava updates?!"

Well I guess you all are in luck because you are about to get 9 MORE MONTHS of updates!!!

Ok, well I may not post as much as last time because I'll have Ava to chase after and even though it is still so exciting to be pregnant again, it won't be my first time so things aren't as new.

We love you already, little one! Ava is going to be a phenomenal big sister!!!