Mothership Confessional

Guys, I'm just going to go ahead and say this. Life is kinda hard right now. And I'm going to have a pity party real quick. Being in the trenches with a newborn is hard enough, but this time I have a young toddler, too. The transition from 1 to 2 children has still overall been easier than the transition from 0 to 1 child, but there are different challenges this time. Ava behaves best when I sit on the floor and play with her and/or when I give her the iPad or the old iPod touch we weren't using. And Liam is happiest when I am holding him most of the time while he is awake. Especially now that he's got more head control - he wants to sit up and see the world! So the problem is, is that its hard for them to both be happy at the same time. I've completely taken away the iPad and iPod from Ava because she wasn't understanding that she couldn't have them all day long, and she was throwing some of the biggest fits I've ever seen from her. And she's ...

Liam has lost his scrawny newborn look! And he's getting pudgy - he's already in size 2 diapers!! He has his 2-month check up next week, so I don't have an official weight for him, but using the scale at home he's 12+ pounds! He fills out his 3 month clothes, too! He's using his arms and legs well and likes to suck on his fist when he can find it. He's a lot more vocally expressive than Ava was - he cries a lot more than she did! He likes to push with his legs and he can hold onto a small toy! He's getting pretty smiley and he's trying SO hard to talk to us! He's been cooing a bit; I can't wait for more!! He is getting pretty stable during tummy time and is starting to brace himself a little with his arms. He definitely loves to be held, which is great, except I have another child who begs for my attention, too! Ava is pretty much obsessed with Liam! She's a little nurturer for sure! She likes to take things to him when he is in his swing a...

My first postpartum experience was awful . But I didn't know it at the time. I couldn't see how extremely difficult things were in the midst of it all, but looking back after a second postpartum experience, I really wish I would have reached out for help. I had: -lots of pain, took Percocet for a week+ and then Ibuprofen for almost a month -nightly periods of sadness, like clockwork from 7-9 pm, every night  for about 2 weeks -lots of blood clots, one HUGE one that scared the crap out of me (I literally thought, this is it, I can't have children anymore; we went to the ER, I was fine) -breastfeeding pains, and a cracked nipple that made me dread  every single feeding for about 4 weeks (its seriously no fun to dread feedings, you're supposed to enjoy those!) -sadness and anxiety (I assumed this was how it was to be a first-time mom. Everytime she cried I immediately got anxious and nervous, even if her crying was easily and predictably fixed by a feeding...

I am so excited to be doing monthly baby updates again!!! And I can't believe it's already been a whole month with our Liam! Apparently Liam had big goals for his first few weeks of life. He outgrew size newborn diapers at one week old...because he kept peeing out of them! He loves to be held on our chests and is pretty good at holding his head up already! He loves to look around! At 2 weeks, 6 days old, Liam rolled from tummy to back multiple times! He's an overachiever! We had his 2-week appointment when he was 3 weeks old. He weighed in at 9 pounds, 10 ounces, meaning that he gained almost 2 pounds in 2 weeks !!! The doctor was pretty impressed! Just last night he found his thumb to suck and he's trying to socially smile! I'm already packing up newborn clothes! It's happening too fast! On one hand, I don't want him to change so quickly. Butttt, even though I'm not as hormonal this time and I feel like I can relax and...

I am surviving the first few days at home by myself with my babies! A part of me was apprehensive about this new change, but I think that's because I was imagining the worst: both kids crying at the same time and me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. But it's not been that way at all! The first day I was a bit overwhelmed and so  happy when Chris came home. I think all the activity just plain wore me out! I use a step stool to help Ava get in and out of her crib. I change her and dress her on the floor and I just suck it up and lift her into her chair at our bar-height table. Probably the most frustrating part is when Ava wants to run away from me and I have to chase her down - she is definitely faster than me right now! I am healing so well; I stopped taking all pain pills by about 1 week after surgery. Pretty impressive! It feels so good to be able to sleep on my side...although full breasts kind of get in the way, haha! About 35 pounds have just fall...

I find myself in shock  at how different this postpartum experience has been so far compared to last time. This time around, I have been  happy  and felt immediate love for my newborn and extreme contentedness  with our new family of four. It made me reflect on life after Ava's birth, and I now feel a little bad for myself that I thought that experience was normal  typical. Looking back, I think I may have had the baby blues because I definitely did not feel as happy as I thought I would be! I was a first-time parent. My baby was delivered via emergency c-section, so physically and emotionally I had been through a lot. Everything was new, and everything was scary. We were learning to parent one hour at a time. 7 days after surgery, I just can't believe how good I feel! I mean, of course I don't really feel good , but I'm getting around really well and a time or two I have not kept up with my pain meds and I hardly noticed. I might consider reducing my dose o...

I'm writing this up from the hospital on day 2 of recovery...can you believe it?! Things are totally different this time! We checked into the hospital at 9 am on Monday morning. Not going to lie...I was fighting the tears saying goodbye to Ava - it was crashing down on me that life was about to change and that things would never be the same. I was so nervous and excited and my heart was pounding as we walked in! I hardly slept the night before. I spent about an hour and a half in the recovery area hooked up to an IV for fluids and then they monitored Liam for about another half hour. It was kind of a long, boring 2 hours - it was hard to keep my mind occupied! Then they came back and told us it was time to go! We walked back to the OR and I got my spinal while Chris got dressed up. It's crazy how fast the spinal works - I felt the warmth race down my leg, into my buttocks, and then the other leg. It happened so fast I was pretty numb before I could even lay down on th...