Mothership Confessional

I can't sleep, guys. Valentine's Day is coming up soon. And tonight, the tears started, and they just wouldn't stop. 2008 was truly an unbearable year. A lot of you know my story and the connection here, but many of you don't. I don't think that I've shared about the whole year, all together. I've been told by a few very supportive friends that my story could basically be a Nicholas Sparks movie; I think the ending is still being written. So, I'll do my best to get it all in writing, in one place. To start off, you'll need a little background information. It's mid-2007, and I am about to head off for my senior year of college, and my boyfriend (now husband) was about to embark on his first tour of duty overseas as a Military Police Reservist. My mom was 1 year into her cancer diagnosis, and was experiencing back pain, which she attributed to working in the yard so much that summer. After the New Year, Chris was about halfway t...

I started my blog in May 2010, and I didn't even write a single post for nearly 2 years. I wanted a blog, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with it . I remember just sitting in my living room, newly married, and just slapping a name on the blog: Domestic Diva Domain ( I love alliteration, okay?! It's the cutesy preschool teacher in me!). I didn't love it, but I thought, it'll do. Fast-forward a few years, and I dabbled in different topics, such as recipes, DIY tutorials, a few random updates about my life, and some Wordless Wednesday posts with just photos. I spent some time trying to understand how to format a blog and realized I'd never  understand coding! Everything I  know about blogging was learned from countless hours basically doing trial and error using the provided templates. I linked up a few of my posts with Pinterest and that got me A LOT of views! One of my posts has been linked in many online articles about creative storage for the home. I...

Today was one of those "mom days" where everything seems to be under control and going well. It was one of those days where you have little victories with your kid, so you start to feel like an awesome mom. Like, "yeah, I've got this!" Like Mary freakin' Poppins. And then the next thing you know, all your success comes crashing down and you feel like the sticky gum on the underside of a shoe. Motherhood is funny like that. Your day can literally turn on a dime. It's sooooooo  funny. (that's sarcasm, btw.) Here's my story. Read on, because I know  you'll relate!! This morning was like any other morning, the usual sleep-til-my-kids-wake-me-up-because-hubby-is-out-of-town with a little okay-okay-I'll-get-your-breakfast-going and then some alright-go-play-or-watch-a-show-or-whatever. Pretty standard morning over here lately. We had a music class to go to at the library, so I went upstairs to get myself ready. I needed a s...

You know what is kind of cool? Every time I work out, in the middle of all the sweat and struggle and discomfort and thoughts of "this is hard; I want to quit", I also have these really amazing thoughts of perseverance during hard times. It's almost like the clouds of negativity dissipate in my mind, allowing positive thoughts to filter in. I kind of bask in the high of my endorphins, and let the inspirational thoughts float around in my head! Back when I went to the gym, I would get these thoughts too. I always remember thinking that I wished I had a way to blog while running on the treadmill because I would get these inspirational thoughts and I wanted to write them down! I would finish my workout and basically run to the nearest table and chair just so I could whip out my phone and jot down my thoughts! And now, I'm sitting on the edge of my chair, all sweaty, post-workout, to get this all written down! My thoughts never seem to come out as fluidly if I wa...

I stopped taking my Plexus supplements. No more "pink drink", no more probiotic, no more BioCleanse, no more multivitamin, protein powder...nada. AND IT WAS THE WORST DECISION EVER!! Ok, so maybe that title is a little  dramatic. I didn't try to quit, it just kind of happened! I slowly ran out of a supplement or two, and life just got busy and I didn't think I'd miss them that much. So I just let them all run out. I was aware that I should really get some more, but I tried to convince myself that Plexus supplements didn't really make that much difference. And you know what happened? I started feeling like crap again. I felt like I did before I found Plexus - headaches, tiredness, upset stomach and irregular BMs, not sleeping as well, more breakouts, and more irritability. I was starting to wonder what was going on with me when I thought, " when was the last time I drank my Slim? Or took my BioCleanse and Probio5?!"  And then it w...

I'm trying to get my life together (I feel like I'm always saying this!) and I've come up with a summer schedule for my 2 and 3 year old! I wanted a schedule that allows for lots of playtime and exploration in a laid back, no pressure kind of way. I didn't want to be on a specific timeline, so I only chose a few things that require a specific time commitment. The rest of our schedule is on our terms! This is the first summer that I feel like I'm ready for something structured. My kids are 19 months apart, and my youngest is now about 2.5 and I'm not tied down with needing to breastfeed a baby or rushing home for nap times (car naps are the WORST!!). I'm still pretty rigid with nap times, but they are old enough that we can be a little more flexible and it's not that big of a deal anymore. Last summer, my husband was deployed, so trying to do things by myself all the time with a 1 and 2 year old was truly a struggle some days. So I am READY to embrace a...

I feel like this is advice my mom would give to me if she were here. She loved to garden and rarely cussed, but she had such a goofy sense of humor! The first time I saw this, I laughed, because I could totally see her saying this to me when I complain about the struggles of military life. I can't believe it's been 10 years, momma. 10 years that I've managed to go on without you. One day at a time. It's been 10 years of figuring out who I am without you, how to carry on, how to adapt. 10 years of discovering a strength I didn't realize that I had. I am forever changed by you, from the 22 years we had together, and now by the always-increasing years that we are apart. I look at life a little differently since you left. I know that tomorrow is never a guarantee for any of us. I'm a little less hesitant to go for what I truly want. I worry a little less about what others think. I feel like I've entered...

Hey, its me. It's been awhile since I've been on here. I was putting Ava to bed tonight, just a few minutes ago, actually. We were laying there in the dark, and she asked to play with my hair. And by "play with my hair", I mean she uses my hair as a slide and all of her stuffed animals take turns going down the slide. It felt nice to have some quiet moments at the end of a busy day; I always love to hear Ava's quiet chatter as she plays with her animal friends. Her speech is emerging more and more every day and I love hearing what is on her mind. We have made a routine of talking about our day and what we are looking forward to tomorrow. I was looking up at the hair bows hanging on Ava's wall when a giant wave of grief washed over me. just out of nowhere. The wave hit me and I almost literally felt like I had been slammed to the ocean floor. I felt the wave first, and then the thought came to my head second: my mom is not here to see any of this...

I heard this song on the radio for the first time several months ago. I was immediately drawn to it, but I hadn't really taken the time to listen to all of the lyrics. But when I finally did...I was blown away, and now I love it even more. It's my new obsession!  The more I listen to it, the deeper meaning it has for me. My husband and I met in the summer of 2005. It was a very transitional time for both of us, and this song basically summarizes that summer for us. We met. We took a chance on each other. We took some risks. It felt a little crazy, a little whirlwind-esque, a little wild. At times I thought, what are we doing?! Is this worth it all? Is this going to last? And you can imagine how those feelings multiplied when he told me shortly after we were together that he wanted to join the Army. What would that mean for us while he was away at Basic Training and AIT? And so soon after we met...the questions were flying. But we knew. We knew we were each others' f...

I've been thinking of this particular post for many months now - dreaming of it, actually - but now that I'm here, I'm not really sure I can articulate my feelings concisely. It's been a YEAR, y'all!!! 362 days to be exact - three hundred and sixty two days that I have spent without my husband home (by the time he gets home). Ok so there were 3 weeks there in the middle when he came home for my grandmother's funeral - but I can assure you, those 3 weeks had their own struggles! How can I describe what these 362 days have been like?! I'm not sure if I can! But I'm going to try. I ran track for 6 years. I considered doing it in college as well, but decided I couldn't commit to being an athlete and a student. Plus I wasn't *quite* good enough to run at KU, which is where I really wanted to go (although I did make it to the 6A State track meet!). My events were the open 100, 200, and 400, as well as the 4x1, 4x2, and the 4x4. My favorite eve...